Thursday, March 31, 2005
I knew it was a matter of time until i found solitude. Away from her
, i'm free. Finally.
I am what they call an 'alter ego', actually, let me correct that. 'Alter ego' is the name she
gives me. I am hidden far away from the world. Why? Because she's afraid people are going to know the truth, afraid they're going to know Verity.
She's always hiding me away from the world, like she's ashamed of me. Yes 'ashamed' is the correct word to use. She never lets me out, i'm always trapped in her mind, in the cage she's hiding me in. I'm only free when she's tired, when she's depressed, when she can't stand the world anymore. And now, it's my turn to strech my legs, blink my eyes and breathe. It's such a wonderful feeling. I am liberated at last! The last time i was out of her mind was seven months ago, when she faced a dilemma only I, Verity, could handle. If i hadn't taken over, the naive girl would've ended our lives! Pathetic, she's just pathetic...
If you knew her, you'd think she was an ordinary 19 year old, studying at university, hanging out with her friends, partying, shopping; basically living a normal teenage life. But that's what you'd think
if you met her. On the contrary my friends, she has spent years trying to wipe me out, trying to wipe the real
her out. Since i'm here, writing this to you, rest assured that she hasn't wiped me out, that she hasn't taken over completly. I lurk in the depths of her mind, i see what she sees, i know what she thinks BUT i am not who she is, neither is she who i am. We are both different identities trapped in one body. I loathe her.
Her perfect long brown hair-which she dyes to bring out the green in her wide hazel eyes. Her perfect olive skin complexion, round face, perfect arched eyebrows and slender nose. That is her; how i hate the image she has made of herself. It's a lie, a lie, a lie, a lie. I on the other hand have unruly blood-red hair, cursed with the same shade of hazel and a pale complexion-as pale as the dead for i do not get out in the sun as often as she does. I am also cursed with the same features as she. How i loathe her...
I've adjusted to the darkness she has trapped me in, it doesn't scare me anymore. She first locked me in her mind when we were 5. Such a tender age, i was so frightened of the darkness. It surrounded me, it haunted me. Now, i rule the darkness, i no longer fear it; now, i rule the darkness, her darkness.
My back aches, and my eyes are heavy. This is her doing, i know it! She's trying to trap me back in again! Damn, i can't let this happen, not now, not this soon! I've only been out for an hour!
You're probably wondering why i can't stay out here and trap her, right? It's come across my mind so many times i've lost count. The problem is, she's the one in the front
she's the one that people have known for 19 years and if i were to trap her where she truly belongs, then i wouldn't be able to adjust, i would be an outcast, worse even, i might be treated professionally. And we all know what happens to 'alter egos' when they are professionally treated, they are exterminated
. How do i know this? She read a book once on alter egos and multiple personality disorder. That's how i know! Remember, i see what she sees.
I'm becoming weaker, rest makes her stronger and she's rested enough. How, how could i get her to retire at a later hour, so that she would feel tired? How?!! Unfortunatley she knows what i think as well, so any planning would be useless. O how i loathe her...
I know this for a fact, her "happy-go-lucky" self is going to be trapped for a little longer, while i cause havoc. The sheer thought of causing chaos and mayhem is sending shivers down my spine, how i love that feeling.
Don't worry, i won't be gone for long. I'll be back tomorrow, i promise you this! I'll be back and i'll tell you, I'll tell you everything
I'll come back, wait for me...
Posted by Verity ::
6:15 AM ::
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